by Jaya Schillinger, CLC
When I first heard about the profession of coaching in 1996, I had a misperception. As it turns out, it was a big misperception! At the time, I was developing my practice as a spiritual counselor and someone suggested I hire a personal coach to support me in making the transition from working at a job to performing my counseling services full-time. Although I value support, my idea of a “coach” was someone who would tell me what to do and demand that I do it their way, like in high school gym class. No thank you. I have a deeply rooted belief that we all have our answers inside, and I do best when I follow my own intuition. I wasn’t about to hire someone that might steer me off track from what I know to be true for me. After doing things my own way for two more years, and still not quite able to let go of my day-job, life delivered a surprise. The aromatherapy company I worked for was going out of business, and I had a choice—to make the leap to independence or find another job. I acted on faith, hired a coach, and began developing my business at a whole new level. That was one of the most valuable decisions I ever made. Instead of “telling” me what to do, my coach “asked” me what I wanted to do, while helping me to see how my choices might affect the “big picture” goals I had set for myself. Being coached helped me to get through the phase of expanding my business from part-time to full-time. Moreover, coaching fits so perfectly within my value of being the source of my own answers and direction that I have decided to pursue a professional certification. In fact, “knowing that clients are their own source,” is one of the core elements of coaching, and a certified coach is professionally trained to this standard.
As a life coach that enjoys the realm of spirit, I work with clients who value authenticity and meaning, and are willing to take action on the things they really want in life. They are progressive-thinkers who want to create their own destiny. It’s been a life-focus for me to infuse spiritual awareness and meaning into the nitty-gritty practicalities of daily life. I believe that one of the great works in a lifetime is to know one’s truth and to live it fully. However, knowingness and willingness do not go unchallenged. Just when we think we are living in truth and ease, perceptions or circumstances change so that we must look again. Suddenly, something isn’t going well. We are dissatisfied or perceive a problem and ask, “What is wrong here?” or “What should I do about it?” Within this dilemma is an even deeper question, “Who is asking?” If we can perceive a problem, then it would make sense that we would also be able to perceive, or at least recognize, a solution. Therefore it follows that the quickest way to switch perceptions from “problem mode” to “solution mode” is to access the one having the direct experience—to return to the source. In my own life, that means I use methods that help me to go within for my answers. In coaching, I become a resource for my clients to discover their own answers, but usually in a quicker and clearer way than they might otherwise get on their own.
My clients are the experts in their personal and professional lives. Some of the people I work with include chiropractors, nutritionists, fitness trainers, consultants, and writers. They are trained professionals who want to make a difference in the world. I don’t claim to be an expert in their specific fields of study. My field of study, and certification, is coaching. I coach my clients on what is most important to them, most frequently a balance of profitable business building with excellent self-care. I become an expert on each client, helping them to achieve their life’s goals with clarity, follow-through, and accountability.
To honor my clients as source, one of the most important things I can do is to really say “hello” to them. I don’t mean a nod and a hand-shake, but the kind of paying attention that makes a person feel “seen.” In client feedback, one of the most frequently repeated comments I hear is that they feel “understood” by me. How often do we feel that someone really gets who we are? We long for spiritual connection. In daily life, we get a barrage of “buy this” “do that” kind of programming that crowds out our personal space so much that it’s almost easier to go along with it than it is to tune it out. When people put their inner-truth aside for too long, they start to complain that they feel stuck, angry, or don’t know what they want. They’ve lost touch with themselves. Coaching is about “honoring the client as source.” As such, much of what happens in a session is the coach asking the client powerful and direct questions, then actively listening, so that the client is heard. In this dynamic, a client usually gets very clear in their thoughts. Sometimes, the power of attention is all a client needs to get back on track. Answers flow freely when we tap the source.
Inspiration is when we feel a renewal of energy and creativity from our “source.” Some call it, “being in the flow.” I find that high-quality solutions come from those moments of being connected to source and inspiration. Through years of teaching meditation, I’ve learned that most people can more easily access their inspiration when they have more energy. When a person’s energy is good, solutions to problems seem to “magically” appear. Yes, the answers are within, but if your energy is low you’re not going to be able to find them! More energy and inspiration can be cultivated through self-care. On a gut-level, people know that they need to balance work and personal matters to feel like they have a sense of self, but sometimes that balance is lost. In coaching, I believe it is essential to work with the whole person, even in business coaching. By directly addressing a client’s happiness and self-care, coaching puts a client in a more resourceful mode to find their own answers.
I think it’s important to make the point that people have unique ways of accessing their resourcefulness. There are many paths to the same destination. My background includes training people in spiritual practices such as meditation, guided imagery, and intuitive consulting. I’ve also spent several years working with aromatherapy, which is a very enjoyable way of reconnecting with one’s self again. When the body is getting pampered, the soul delights! Another way to reconnect, which works for just about everyone, is being in nature. Does that mean you have to take a week off work for vacation and a visit to an expensive spa to get in touch with yourself? Of course not, although don’t let that stop you treating yourself. If we are innately resourceful, then that means we have access to it right here, right now.
Sometimes, people are at their most resourceful under pressure. But there’s an important distinction between pressure and stress. When a client is stuck in a flat spot, and he or she wants progress to occur, the coach can help the client set goals that might be really challenging. This can create a mental and emotional shake-up that gets things moving again. A client that becomes sleepy and lazy from free time at the spa might come alive with a challenge! Suddenly, there’s a puzzle to solve and the mind is working again! What makes this kind of scenario a “pressure,” but not necessarily a “stress” is the focus of the goal. The client chooses a goal that would make them abundantly happy and excited when they achieve it. Again, the key here is that the client created the goal out of their personal desires and creativity. This is not a demand from the coach. So for clients that work best by thinking on their feet, an audaciously grandiose goal might get them thinking outside the box and in forward momentum again.
One’s path in life is the route through which we get to know ourselves. In every moment there is a choice to be made to follow the pack or follow our heart. There is a choice to fall asleep in life or to fall in love with life.
The 16th century Sufi poet Rumi wrote,
“For ages you have come and gone,
courting delusion.
For ages you have run from the pain
and forfeited the ecstasy.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.
Although you appear in earthly form
Your essence is pure Consciousness.
You are the fearless guardian
of Divine Light.
So come, return to the root of the root
of your own soul.”
Version by Jonathan Star from "Rumi - In the Arms of the Beloved"
Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, New York 1997
My beliefs are that each of us is connected to a powerful source, whether we are aware of it or not, and that we can squander that power through ignorance or use it wisely. There is an abundance of other people’s answers in the world, and some of them might work for us, while some of them would harm us. I firmly believe that the most effective and satisfying answers do come from within. A professional coach can help you sift the gold from the silt and to forge an inspirational life.
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